Decisions

So we talked and decided the best choice is probably for me to stay at Sean's place when I go visit Melbourne.

Gonna be a little pain in the ass cause it means taking the bus everyday morning and night to Ai's place, and also of course walking to the bus stop approximately 7 minutes away. Just shows how a super lazy person I am =D hehe...

A little gutted but I guess we gotta do what we gotta do. On the good side, I feel at ease that we're doing this..I think Ai feels the same too. Like what the wise lady said, "A small price to pay for starting things on the right foot" ---> I like XD

The poor kind woman XD

Better write this dream down that I had cause I think it's pretty funny and cool...

I was a young boy (probably around 5 or 6 years of age) living in this poor country. Everyone was poor and we eat just to survive each day, not worrying about tomorrow.

One day while walking pass a house, I smelled food. I decided to climb into the house to steal some food. While doing so, suddenly a fierce woman (probably in her 20s, with a familiar face) caught me and was about to start beating me, only to realise that I was only a kid.

Her heart soften seeing how hungry I was and gave me food to eat. She was poor herself but gave what she had for me. I kept coming back each day, and she always gave what food she could find me, sometimes even sacrificing her own meal. Even though it was a dream, I could still remember how she smiled each time she saw me knocking at the door for food...lol.

Anyway, just a random dream worth writing down....

tight situation....

So it's just a less than 4 weeks before I'm heading off to Australia and Malaysia. To me, I think it's going to be fantastic time of relaxing, meeting new people, and catching up. Can't wait....

At the same time, due to some accommodation complication, I'm wondering if things are going to be alright. Personally, after talking to friends and wiser people, I know what I ideally should be doing. But I'm left in a very tight situation...

There are limited number of options available, each with unfavored outcomes. So if all available options are eliminated, I just want to put it out here that I'll give my very best to be on my best behavior, especially to the people that may be concerned.

no bonus =(

Fisher and Paykel Healthcare was announcing their revenue for this pass 6 months and annoucing that the bonus this time is 17 days for each permanent staff..I hear that so far it has ranged from 8 days to 28 days. Not much but it's still free $$$ =p

So sad that I can't have any bonus because i'm just a part timer =(

but I guess I get more freedom just working part time and not bonded to them =p

Stress

Was feeling sleepy just now and was suppose to sleep by 11 and it's 1am now..
I was lying on my bed, I couldn't help but start feeling stressed.
Why do i have to worry about a place to stay now?
Why is rental so expensive in Melb?
Should i really go for the 100 per week long but narrow room?
I really dont want to have to move out end of the year and start looking for another place....

Lord, help me...
Show me which is the best choice.

Both are near to uni and bus stops:
585AUD a month (all inclusive- the room looked really bright and spacious in the pics)
485AUD a month (all inclusive- save 100 AUD a month, but the room has only a very small wardrobe, lack of space for storage, and i might have to look for another place to rent after 6 months.)

decisions .... stress.

Touched!!!

Thank you so much for the letter and photos.. *grins*

Thanks for spending time of editing them..
It was really thoughtful and sweet of you!

some of them made me go.. what the...
but most of them made me smile.

THANK YOU!!!!
you made my day....

Off ramp for ANTs

Don't have much time to write this down...but I'll just quickly jot this down before heading out to life conference cause I felt I needed to.

While in the shower today after waking up from a good night sleep because of the rain, I was thinking of something decent when suddenly out of nowhere the negative thought came, something I use to battle intensively...less now, but still battling occasionally.

All these while, I've been trying to tell my mind to shut it off, rebuking it. But I realised that even though to some extend this might work in the long term, something else needed to be done. That's when I remembered the tools I learned from valiant man.

I remembered that even though it's good to shut our minds off and say "I don't want that thought!" , it's always good to have an off ramp for the thoughts in our mind. These ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts), will be hard if we keep fighting it. In fact, for a person struggling with bad thoughts and images in the mind, trying to fight it off would be even more damaging at some times.

So for me, while in that shower, I have decided to re-train my mind in a way that each time these thoughts come, I will be prepare to rebuke it in His powerful name, and at the same time prepare an off ramp for the thought to go. For me, that off ramp will be her first vision that she saw in church camp, where she was surrounded by a group of kids, tenderly loving them. I'm going to ready that thought each time the ANT appears, and provide an off ramp for that thought instead of fighting hard not to think about it. I learned that the transfer of electrical pulses across the synapse in our neural cells are so fast to be controlled. By the time the thought has gone so far down, damage would have been done. Instead by gradual practise of retraining the mind with off ramp thoughts, I learned from a course that our minds can be slowly retrained, that these thoughts would not harm us in the long term.

I , We have to understand that fighting thoughts could be sometimes damaging, so preparing an off ramp thought where something negative can be turned positive could be helpful. I'm going to put it to the test.

PS: you won't believe this!! I missed out an article Shannon sent me on the same thing I was thinking today. "Defeat bad thoughts by thinking of something better " by Rick Warren. Guess it re-inforces everything I typed above. Saw it just before I hit the "Publish Post" button one minute ago ... Thanks Ai.




Defeat bad thoughts by thinking of something better
by Rick Warren

Fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable. Philippians 4:8 (TEV)

The more you think about something, the stronger it takes hold of you, which is why the Bible teaches that we should, "Run from anything that gives you the evil thoughts . . . but stay close to anything that makes you want to do right." (2 Timothy 2:22, LB)
Temptation begins by capturing your attention. What gets your attention arouses your emotions. Then your emotions activate your behavior, and you act on what you felt. The more you focus on "I don't want to do this," the stronger it draws you into its web.
Ignoring a temptation is far more effective than fighting it. Once your mind is on something else, the temptation loses its power. So when temptation calls you on the phone, don't argue with it, just hang up!
Sometimes this means physically leaving a tempting situation. This is one time it is okay to run away. Get up and turn off the television set. Walk away from a group that is gossiping. Leave the theater in the middle of the movie. To avoid being stung, stay away from the bees.
Do whatever is necessary to turn your attention to something else.
Spiritually, your mind is your most vulnerable organ. To reduce temptation, keep your mind occupied with God's Word and other good thoughts. You defeat bad thoughts by thinking of something better. This is the principle of replacement. You overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).
Satan can't get your attention when your mind is preoccupied with something else. That's why the Bible repeatedly tells us to keep our minds focused: "Fix your thoughts on Jesus" (Hebrews 3:1 NIV).
"Fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable" (Philippians 4:8 TEV).
If you're serious about defeating temptation you must manage your mind and monitor your media intake. The wisest man who ever lived warned, "Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts" (Proverbs 4:23 TEV).

My sister, Jilian.

Tell you somebody who lives next room to me...

Jilian is an amazing sister.
She brings so much laughter and joy to the house.
She brings so much entertainment with her craziness and lameness.
She has a sweet voice that very few people has heard.
She was the one that inspired me to play proper church songs.
She is full of emotion but sometimes just a little shy to express them.
She is beautiful and I believe that the guy she marries will be so bless.
She is one of the clean freaks out there, that trained me to as 'tidy' as I am today.
She is kind and wise.
She always watch over me as an older sister does.
She loves the Lord, you can just see that.
Jilian, you're an amazing sister.
Thank you for everything the pass 23 years.

Happy Birthday !!!

The toughest conversation

It's bad enough having to come clean about what had happen in the past.
But it hurts even more to now finally see how my past decisions and recklessness hurt the people i love and care.
It bad enough to know... I dont even have to be there to see and hear. Just knowing is bad enough.

Being honest could change a person's impression and perception of me.
Being honest often means I get judged.
Being honest meant that sometimes people would bring it up and throw it back at me.
Being honest meant that now.. people might not trust me for making better and more important decisions.

But I choose to be honest.


'The saddest and The happiest' by My Favourite Author (at this point of time)

The conversation we had was the beginning of a difficult journey of faith for us. Yet through it all, God sustained and guided us. If you're facing similar circumstances, I know that He can do the same for you.

Though it's painful, an important part of starting a new life with the person you love is working through the consequences of past choices. This doesn't mean that you have to dredge up  every single detail, but it does mean that you need to honestly face the effect your past can have on your future. As the authors of 'Preparing for Marriage' wisely state, 'It is better to speak the truth prior to your marriage than to live with fear, deceit and shame that comes from hiding the truth from your mate."

Unless you are honest about past sin, you won't be able to understand the potential challenges you'll confront because of it. Neither will you be able to root yourselves firmly in the sustaining grace of God.

So while it may be the saddest thing that happened, it's also the happiest. By dealing with the heartbreaking effects of sin, we magnify the love of our redeeming God- a God whose grace is greater than anything from our past.


My prayer is that we'll both walk out of the heartbreaking effects of my past sins, victoriously- by God's sustaining grace.

A day with the hitch hiker

Today while driving back from the city after collecting free computer parts, I passed by this guy who was in a wheel chair with his thumbs up (asking for a ride)...

Before that I was praying in the spirit through the traffic jam, asking God to use me today to bring him glory.

Each day going to Northcote shopping center, I would sometimes passed by this guy but ignoring him cause he looked weird and I was just afraid after hearing so many cases of people being killed by hitch hikers and also after being robbed twice in my life.

This time, I felt a stirring inside me to go help him,but I passed him because I felt reluctant to. Somehow I felt that stirring inside me so strong to go back and I thought that I had to go back, so I did.

Trying to be safe, I parked further down the road and came out of my car to talk to him. This is what he said.

Me: " Hey you need a ride somewhere ?"

Stranger: " Yes, I would like to go to Malborough Park to see some skateboarders. It's so boring at home."

Me: " Oh, sure I'll give you a ride."

Stranger: " I was taught not to go with strangers, so my name is Duncan."

Me: " Name's Richard."

We had a chat in the car, and I found out he hasn't eaten for two days as his 'shopping' money only comes in tomorrow. I remembered the message Ian Green gave in church last Sunday. So I passed by the bakery and bought him some food. Funny thing was that he was leaning on me the whole time while buying the food cause we didn't want to take his wheel chair out. People were looking and wondering what in the world is this short asian dude doing with this weird looking guy. He was really hungry and started to eat in the car.

Just before we reached the park, I found out that he was a christian cause I was planning to share Christ with Him. He told me about his history of how he got into a motorbike accident 15 years ago, which damaged his brain's neural system to his legs, disabling him to walk properly and being mocked by people for the rest of his life. He told me he didn't really care much, because he was looking forward to the eternal life God has in stored for him. He told me how he nearly fell away from God after the accident and how God was there to pick him up each time he fell until today...

We waved goodbye at the park as the ex surfer pushed himself on his wheelchair toward the group of skateboarders. I drove back in my car, thinking how amazing God is to even the life's of the disable people, and that I'm so bless to have a healthy body with family and friends...

Thank you Mr JC.

Random Cute-ness

totally random..

just thought it was really cute!

HAHA

p.s. I've been typing so much lately that i'm just plain lazy to type super posts anymore..

=)

False Alarm

Main contributor will only start working full time in June.. LOL.


heee... my bad for the wrong information posted.

Busy Contributors

The main contributor of this blog will be busy with his work as he is gonna work full time for the next 6 weeks.

I, as the sub-contributor of the blog foresees that the main contributor will NOT be updating anytime soon... and see this as an opportunity to TAKE OVER!! lol.. jokes..

I'm gonna be busy with studies too.. so I'll probably just update some really lame stuff every now and then to entertain everyone..



25 days till my first paper
45 days till main contributor's arrival in Melb
65 days till we head back to Malaysia!!!

A milestone

Yesterday was my graduation. An unforgettable day that shows success in my education life. I definitely will miss my university, and the 4 long years that has just passed so quickly (such an oxymoron lol). I still remember my first day in university where we were introduced to all the facilities available in the engineering faculty. I thought "boy, I'm going to have so much knowledge after graduating from this university." To be honest, now that I look back at the things that I have listened in lectures and the times I have burned the midnight oil in computer labs to learn up thermofluids equations, understanding mathematics modeling, programming Robots and heated chambers, and so on, I feel that the knowledge that I have obtained is so little, compared to available knowledge out there...

I'll just take this chance to reflect quickly on the pass 4 years. During this period, I have made many good friends in the university of Auckland, from all different nations. First year, my close buddies were Edward, Wenqin, Kai Sui, and Yu Sian, all who were smart and kind in different ways. Ed and Wenqin were basically my closes friends during the first year. They were both from Malaysia and had a very good understanding of what was taught in class, so they always convinced me to skip classes with them, promising that they will teach me. Who knew I suffered a little in my assignments and exams during the first year in university.LOL..But the times were always fun with them.We always had sleep overs at Ed house. There was a time when I had a mild crush and couldn't sleep. So I had to go over to his house to chat through the night with a glass of wine to get my mind off things. Another thing that I can remember during the first year was that I enjoyed going clubbing with my mates. It all started out with curiosity, but after a while I gradually stopped going because of the conviction inside me.

The second year, I started isolating myself because I wanted to do well for my exams. I wanted to excel in my assignments. I remember this year as the beginning of conflicts and me getting hurts from a mechanical friend who used to be my good buddy during my first year. I could not stand how he would always put me down and steal credits for some of the things we did as a group. I remembered a time that I was truly upset that I went to lie down on a chair in Albert park, writing down on my diary that I will not depend on Edward for anything, that I'll be relying on my own self to finish assignments and doing my own work from now on. That day marked the day where I started independently doing my own assignments and studying. That year, I realized that I enjoyed a bit of software and electronics. I realized that my interest lie in a slightly different region. Apart from that, though it is secondary, I also wanted to move away from a place where I could avoid Ed. So, I changed from Mechanical to Mechtratronics. It was possible because by a miracle I was doing all the right subjects that all the Mechatronics students were doing. I met new friends and started enjoying even more what I was doing. I was involved in OCF, always playing the keyboard in camps and involved in musical productions like "Hosea". I was also involved in table tennis and competing in table tennis championships.

The third year was the year I told myself I will give it my all to do excel in my work. After all, I wasn't the brightest student, but I believe hard work will pay off. So this year was all about late nights and me being very focus in all the assignments given to me. I remembered my friends realising that hardworking side of me and mentioning how dedicated I am. My efforts were paid off, and I did very well scoring an average of As for all my papers. I was on fire! I also realised this year was the year where I was getting passionate for God. I was hungering for more of Him, and each time as I learned more about him, I was transformed to more like Him! I stopped going clubbing completely and took the word seriously. Spiritually I was on fire too! One of the highlights this year was meeting a girl , whom I met at OCF. We were close and was heading to a start of a relationship. However, it all ended before it even started because of too many advise of friends against it. I ignored one, but when more than two or three came, I ended it...But until today, I believed I made the right move.

The fourth year was the most important year for me in university. I stopped attending OCF and played any table tennis. I was fully committed to my assignments and my final year project. This year was the year that I truly learned the most. I had a really good partner who was smart and capable. But everybody like myself have their own strength and weakness. I believed I discovered my strengths and weakness during this year. I was really good at being calm and working under very stressful conditions. I was also very good at interaction and presenting. Though I can be forgetful at times I discovered I can be also a good organizer. My weaknesses on the other hand was being forgetful and not thinking in detail before executing the tasks. My partner was totally the opposite of me. I believed that there couldn't be a better partner for me than this guy, Dough. We complemented each other really well. In the end we came up with something that earned us a patent for our design. We turned something that was basically nothing to something that can be advantageous to sick neonates in the future.

4 years of tertiary education was an amazing experience. I wouldn't swap anything for it. It prepared me for facing the real world. I want to thank my parents for supporting me financially through out this 4 years. The sacrifices that my parents have to make is something that I will remember and appreciate. I also wanna thank friends for the fun and bad times they have given me that has shaped me into the person I am proud of being now. Finally, I wanna thank the big Guy up there. Without you ,my Father in heaven in the picture, going through university would not be as meaningful as it has been. Thank you for everything that you have done for me these 4 years Jesus.

Lyrics 2

The Story/Journey of Two

When I failed You Lord
You remind me of Your garce
That was enough for me

When I felt so lost
You remind me of Your love
That's been surrounding me

It is by Your blood
Your love grace and mercy
That I stand here unashamed
It is when I call Your name
The Name above all names
That my chain are all set free

When I cried O Lord
You were there to pick me up
And wipe my tear away
When I was at war
You were there by my side
To conquer (change to give me can??) victory

Richard's Graduation

Congratulations Richard Tan Wei Chea!!!

*S.H*

=)

Numb

Could it be possible to do something till you get numb of it like getting an anesthetic?

I guess it could be if things were done without emotions ,sincerity and was self seeking. I mean being told "I miss you" or showing physical affection wouldn't be numb to me even if it was done so frequently yet with sincerity in it. But I never been in that zone before though so I can't really say =p

But if I am wrong, guess I should know what to do in preparation for my years to come now! ROAR...

Full time

Wanted to write this down yesterday but I forgot...

Yesterday, I had a "promotion"...LOL. My boss offered me to work full time especially since I'm going over to Melbourne for that time being. So now I think I'm going to be earning twice the amount that I was suppose to be earning. Speaking of being blessed twice this week and being given more than what I prayed for!

prayer

I am praying for something that i cannot afford....
It's gonna take a miracle for that prayer to happen.

Lord, if it's Your will...
Let me find it.. please.....

God hears...

It's pass my bed time, and after a long day from valiant man, working out and going to work I think I need to give glory to God.

Here's a small testimony about God hearing prayers:

Last night I was talking to God wondering when is the best time to request for my 5 weeks holiday leave to Melbourne. I thought to myself that I would prepare to let him know on Tuesday because I only work until Tuesday. Perhaps he could cool off if he wasn't happy with me requesting leave. I also told God I was preparing for the worst that if he wasn't happy and fire me, I would be ready to take it like a man and look for an even better job. After all, I bought my tickets before even working in fisher and paykel health care.

I asked Ai to pray too hopefully that I can still keep the job. To be honest, I told myself to pray before sleeping but I totally forgot ! lol.

Anyway, today when I got to work, it seemed that my supervisor made an appointment with me at 8.30am and it was title "catch up time". I went in to the meeting room not preparing to let him know about my leave request. After chatting with him, I realised that he was quite happy that morning. I felt a nudge inside me saying "do it now". I wasn't sure and had this battle conversation going inside of me. Finally, I pop the question! Surprisingly, he wasn't mad at all. In fact he said that it should be fine and that he'll pass on the message to the manager. (another thing I probably need to pray about too).

So wow! I thought Tuesday might be the best day to do it. But I believed it was God who arranged the best time for me to pop the question. After the meeting, I went back to my lab, quietly saying inside myself, " YAY GOD!"

Count Down

People!!!

it's down to 53 days!!! 

=)

 

Saturday morning...

Woke up a couple of times last night... The weather's getting cold and I think it's probably getting to me. Had some whizzing sounds when I breathe in and out. Hope I'm not getting sick :(

The funny thing about waking up in the middle of the nights is when you remember all the dreams that you were having. I sort of counted the dreams that I remembered, and it was around 7 of them! All had different genres in it lol. Not to sound holy, but I even remembered one where we were praying hard for a guy that lost his baby. Random =X

***********************************************************************************
Dad's coming soon this Tuesday for my graduation ceremony. YAY. But I also heard from mum that he will have to leave 2 days after the ceremony because of his GAY boss which asked him to fly back to Indonesia for important meetings with the director. It's not like my dad didn't inform him, in fact my dad gave him a couple of months notice. Such bad planners they are. Poor dad's gonna have to fly from KL to auckland, and then from Auckland to Indonesia, and finally Indonesia to Auckland again. :( Sigh... Kiwi's would never do that their employers that's for sure.

Anyway, looking forward to see him. XD