All intimate relationships are built on a foundation of honesty,
trust, and attraction, but what do happy couples do differently to keep
their love thriving in the long run?
It’s important to understand that love is not just about finding the
right person, it’s about working with them to create the right
relationship. Marc and I have met and worked with couples at all ends
of the spectrum over the years, and we’ve found that the happiest
couples, or the unhappy couples who successfully turn things around, are
able to create loving, lasting relationships by doing the following:
1. They make plenty of time for each other.
Neglect based on lack of attention damages relationships far more
often than malicious abuse. There’s nothing more vital to the bond you
share with someone than simply being there for them. Too often we
underestimate the power of a thoughtful question and a listening ear
that’s fully present and focused. Although it’s a simple act, it may
very well be the most powerful act of caring – one which has the
potential to turn a relationship around.
When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each
other. With frequent attention and affection our relationships
flourish, and we as individuals grow stronger. This is the side effect
of a good relationship – we help heal each other’s wounds and support
each other’s strengths.
Bottom line: Stay in close touch with what’s going on in your
partner’s life – communicate openly on a regular basis. Not because
it’s convenient, but because they are worth the extra effort.
2. They don’t beat around the bush.
No matter how sure you are of someone’s love, it’s always nice to be
reminded of it. When you truly love someone, be loving in words and
deeds every single day.
Don’t beat around the bush. Be straightforward.
If you appreciate someone today, tell them. If you adore someone
today, show them. Hearts are often confused and broken by thoughtful
words left unspoken and loving deeds left undone. There might not be a
tomorrow. Today is the day to express your love and admiration.
(Read 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
3. They meet in the middle and work together.
The most important trip you will ever take in life is meeting your
partner half way. You will achieve far more by working with them,
rather than working alone or against them. That’s what healthy
relationships are all about – teamwork. It really is a full circle.
The strength of a relationship depends on the strength of its two
members, and the strength of each member in the long run depends on the
quality of the relationship.
Anyone who helps you to make your half-hearted attempts more
whole-hearted through passion, love and teamwork, is a precious friend
and teacher, and thus makes a great partner. Take the lead and BE this
partner. Make an effort to work closely with your significant other,
and conquer the world together.
4. Their actions consistently backup their claims of love.
Actions often speak much louder than words.
When you love someone you have to act accordingly. They will be able
to tell how you feel about them simply by the way you treat them over
the long-term.
You can say sorry a thousand times, or say “I love you” as much as
you want, but if you’re not going to prove that the things you say are
true, they aren’t. If you can’t show it, your words are not sincere.
And remember, it’s not so much about how much you do for your loved
ones as it is about the love you put into what you do for them. Learn
what matters most to them and make a habit of it.
5. They respect each other’s humanness.
All humans are imperfect. At times, the confident lose confidence,
the patient misplace their patience, the generous act selfish, and the
knowledgeable second guess what they know.
And guess what? You’re human and so is your partner. In fact, we
all are. We make mistakes, we lose our tempers, and we get caught off
guard. We stumble, we slip, and we spin out of control sometimes.
But that’s the worst of it; we all have our moments. Most of the
time we’re remarkable. So stand beside the people you love through
their trying times of imperfection, and offer yourself the same
courtesy; if you aren’t willing to, you don’t deserve to be around for
the perfect moments either.
(Read The Mastery of Love
.)
6. They focus on what they like about each other.
What you focus on grows stronger in your relationships. When you
focus on a person’s wonderful qualities, you have a wonderful
relationship with them. When you focus on a person’s not so wonderful
qualities, you have a not so wonderful relationship with them. When you
focus on benefits of a situation, you get to take advantage of them.
When you focus on the drawbacks, you gain nothing but a frown.
The bottom line is that you see only what you want to see, and what
you see determines the health of your relationships. Your attitude is a
little thing that makes a massive difference. Don’t be the stubborn
one who makes it a point to not see the good in your partner.
7. There is far more between them than physical attraction.
Infatuating yourself with someone simply for what they look like on
the outside is like choosing your favorite food based on color instead
of taste. It makes no sense. It’s innate, invisible, unquantifiable
characteristics that create lasting attraction. There must be common
ground in your interests and outlooks on life.
Just as some people enjoy the smell of mint, while others prefer the
scent of cinnamon, there is an undeniable, magnetic draw that attracts
you to the qualities of certain people, places, and things. Sometimes
it’s even the scars your soul shares with them that reels you in and
creates the very hinges that hold you together in the long run.
8. They resolve conflicts through love, not retaliation.
If you’re disappointed with yourself or frustrated with your partner,
the answer is not to take it out on the world around you. Retribution,
whether it’s focused on yourself or others, brings zero value into your
life. The way beyond the pain from the past is not with vengeance,
mockery, bullying or retaliation, but with present love.
Forgive the past, forgive yourself, forgive your partner, and love the present moment for what it’s worth.
There are plenty of beautiful things to love right now;
you just have to want to see them. Loving is never easy, especially
when times are tough, yet it is easily the most powerful and positively
enduring action possible.
9. They open up to each other, especially in trying times.
Let your partner in when you’re in a dark place. Open up to them
completely. Don’t expect them to solve your problems; just allow them
to face your problems with you. Give them permission to stand beside
you. They won’t necessarily be able to pull you out of the dark place
you’re in, but the light that spills in when they enter will at least
show you which way the door is.
Above all, the important thing to remember is that you are not
alone. No matter how bizarre or embarrassed or pathetic you feel about
your own situation, your partner is in your life and has dealt with
similar emotions and wants to help you. When you hear yourself say, “I
am alone,” it’s just your insecurities trying to sell you a lie.
(Read Daring Greatly
.)
10. They are committed to growing together.
It’s not about finding someone to lose yourself in, it’s about
meeting someone to find yourself in. When you connect with someone
special, especially a lifelong partner, this person helps you find the
best in yourself. In this way, neither of you actually meet the best in
each other; you both grow into your best selves by spending time
together and nurturing each other’s growth.
When you honestly think about what you and your partner add to each
other’s lives, you will often find that instead of giving or taking
things from each other (advice, answers, material gifts, etc.), you two
have chosen rather to share in each other’s joy and pain, and
experience life together through good times and bad. No matter what, you two are there for one another, growing and learning as one.
Afterthoughts
The best relationships are not just about the good times you share,
they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, and the fact
that you still say “I love you” in the end. And loving someone isn’t
just about saying it every day, it’s showing it every day in every way.
From : http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/09/12/10-things-happy-couples-do-differently/
