Forgiveness

Around 3 years ago, I suffered chronic insomnia. There were nights that I would just lie in my bed eyes wide open. I would subscribe natural remedies like melatonin or medicines like sleeping pills. None of them worked and I struggled to have good night sleeps at all. I had the thought if I would die due to the lack of sleep and cried out to God to help me go through this. I had friends pray for me, pastor praying for me. I would do all the things to get myself ready for bed each night such as taking a warm shower, read a book, drink a warm drink, pray and trusting God would help me go through another night of sleepness night. I tried sleeping in different places in the house to see if it made a difference, I did exercises in the morning hoping that I would get tired at night.

Sadly, none of this worked and weeks turned into months. I eventually gave up crying out to God for help... believing that I was abandoned and perhaps there was no such thing as a God. Looking back wow, I was disappointed and angry with God...My walk with God started to weaken.

Yesterday morning when I went to church with Shannon (it was the first time that we were actually early to church!) the speaker spoke about forgiveness. He preached the usual, that we needed to forgive others as how God has forgiven us. At that time I was thinking within me, "but God you have offended me too!" Just at that moment, the preacher said that there are people who are also angry with God , for eg some people who has prayed for others who were dying to recover but they still died.These people have started getting angry with God . These group of guys need to start forgiving God.

What a bizarre thought ! To forgive the One who gave us life! Uncontrollably one or two tear drops ran down my face. I never understood why God forsake me at that time , maybe he didn't but I sure felt that he did. I felt betrayed at that time. Sitting at the back of church with my wife, I felt that God was telling me something, that I needed to break through the betrayal/unforgiveness barrier.Prior to having these chronic insomnia, I remember really being on fire for God. I would spend time almost every day with Him praying and reading his Word. I started wondering why God put that trial in front of me during such a season...

Maybe He wanted to play hard to get. Maybe He wanted even more of me. Maybe He wanted to prepare me for something even greater in life.. Maybe He wanted test my faith...  Whatever it is, I feel that it has been too long that this incident has chained me. I am determined to forgive God and restore my relationship with Him again...I know He has been waiting for me .

My Birthday Present request

I saw something we might like ... something that I would like to use as storage for our every growing data files. Something used to store our child's videos, our wedding pictures and videos, our study materials and our other important data file. Something like a 1RU Synology Network Attached Storage!

It was a bit pricey but hey , I thought I should try to justify the needs for it to Shannon, especially since my birthday is coming. "hint hint"

After 10-15 minutes of explanation, she turned away to her computer......*grumble grumble ROAR!!!*

Saddest thing of all, she then looked me in the eye and said " I didn't understood a thing you just said..I think all I understood was the word "dropbox". Well, you know........... that was why I married you...."



Awww..........



Errr... wait.....WHAT ?!

THE Project

Between this post and the previous post, a lot has happened. We were married and had a beautiful wedding ceremony and reception in Melbourne and Malaysia.. Everything was good and seemed somewhat perfect. We moved in a new place in Kensington and have a good flat mates with 2 more to join soon. We might be getting a puppy - even though I'm seriously allergic to them as it has been Shannon's dream to have one. (Shannon has been brainwashing me by squealing each time we past by a dog or cute doggie pictures on the internet. For a weird reason she has no interest in babies.....yet )

2-3 months down the road, I'm writing out this post as I am understanding that we are experiencing a bit of rubbing in our marriage. I've always heard that it takes a lot of work to make a marriage work  - Well, I did know that but I didn't know that it took THAT much work. Character wise I can be quite hot tempered at times (according to my parents and also that 2 dimples on the back of my head) . I am a puzzle solver , expressive, and like to the word "instant". I like to sleep early and wake up early. I also take breakfast n lunch as the most important meal of the day. I am a light sleeper and easily get woken up.

Shannon on the other hand is also very logically minded but carefully process her thoughts in her mind (i.e. she takes ages to say something when we are trying to resolve an issue). She is not at all expressive in her thoughts vocally. She likes her own space and demands it when I get into too much of hers. She sleeps very late and  wakes up VERY late. She likes an orderly room and ways how food is arranged in the pantry.

What I am listing is just the difference between us. Sure we have a few common grounds (such that I learn we are actually both quite perfectionist in our career and education) but there has been conflict caused by our differences. And when this occur one thing I love to do is dive into the situation and investigate to see what I can do to help us solve this issue. I guess from experience I'm learning to understand that this is a big mistake, especially when the issue is heated up. As from how I described my character - (which I am working on), things can even more heated up when the cause was a minor one.

I acknowledge that we do have some struggles and issues we need to work on both ends. But 2 months into marriage and it's already this much ? Man, now I'm starting to worry. Regardless, one thing that I always get reminded off when I blow up and "cave" away is a frequently quote verse from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8


 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I hope we get through this.....

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